Some Olympic jokes!

Compiled from various Internet sources, mostly in Italian, and translated by moi. Hilarious!

• The Greeks walked first in the opening ceremony parade. Their rental suits were due back at midnight.

• One scene showcased traditional children's nightmares, such as priest robes.

• "Hey Jude" topped off the opening ceremony, kinda like at Berlin 1936.

• The Arabian judoka is allowed to wear the veil, so long as her ippons all face Mecca.

• Italian swimmers take home no medals for the first time in decades. The swimmers blame the coaches, the coaches blame the swimmers, nobody agrees on anything, nothing gets done, and nobody knows why. It's like the Democratic Party, minus the water.

• Doped 50km walker Alex Schwazer cries: "I shot up EPO on the 29th, and when I got tested on the 30th I knew I'd get caught." This guy must have been the best cop ever.

• Chinese teen faster than Lochte in the 100. Then they filled the pool with water.

• The Chinese reject all doping charges: "Our champions are under strict control." Like their citizens.

• Syrian athlete ejected after testing positive for democracy in her blood.

• Women's 4x400 relay. The American women beat the old record set by the East Germans, who are all grandfathers now.

• World record for the Jamaican relay. They're really good at passing it around.

• Armstrong wins gold in women's cycling. I didn't know he took out the other ball too.

• Italy's success in fencing, shooting, fighting, and archery prompts parliamentary revision of pacifist Constitution.

• The Olympic Games stand for unity, solidarity, and equality. Then why does the black guy always win?

• The Olympics were born in Greece. And will live longer.